


I Knew Love's Perfect Ache

by thehundredtimesobsessed_20



Category: The 100
Genre: Alternate Universe - Sons of Anarchy, F/M, I don't know how this happened, sexy times might make an appearance too, soa au, there is some violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2020-03-08 01:14:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18885142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thehundredtimesobsessed_20/pseuds/thehundredtimesobsessed_20
Summary: Three weeks after Clarkes 28th birthday and 10 years after leaving Arkadia, California, to go to med school she returns to find the reason she run away has grown up as well as she has.Bellamy has tried to live his life as well as possible in his situation. Tried to protect his sister, his mother and his club. He knows where he belongs - right behind his step-father the President of the feared Arkadia Pagan’s Motorcycle Club (APMC).But when the past comes back he starts to rethink his waysNominated for BFWA in the category Best Modern WIP





	1. Don't Nate me.

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from Arsonist's Lullaby by Hozier 
> 
> Thanks to the best Beta a girl could wish for. (@junebugninja you deserve the world)

-10 years ago-

_“I need to do this, Bellamy. I can see where this is going, where you are headed. You promised me you wouldn’t join, you wouldn’t throw away your life like this!” The tears she desperately held back threatened to spill out of her eyes, as she gestured wildly at his kutte. She knew this was the moment it all came to an end. No turning back. So Clarke blinked her tears away._

_“The Club is my future, why can you not understand that I have to do this! For my family and for me. This is where I’m supposed to be. We’ve been having this fight for months and I am sick of it. It’s where I belong. I’m not going to run away like a coward…” She stared into his beautiful brown eyes, now filled with anger, and something she thought she’d never had to see - hurt. Desperate, heart-shattering hurt. It pained her, but it had to be done._

_“Maybe I am a coward, but at least I know what is right,” her voice came out small but firm. It was for the best, she told herself over and over and over again in her head. It was for the best, this is for the best. For the both of them._

_“And you know I am right.”_

_“Fucking Bullshit, Clarke. It’s your decision, YOU are leaving, don’t tell me what is best for me.” He was pacing in front of her now, furiously gripping his hair. “I will ask you just this once, I will not beg for you to stay, but please don’t throw this away.”_

_“‘I’m sorry, Bellamy.” Clarke could see him hiding his pain, replacing it with anger. Anger was easier to accept, easier to face._

_“You just blame the club, blame my father, my mother - my family for your own cowardice because you cannot tell me to my face that I am not enough for little miss perfect, princess of Arkadia. Perfect daughter, perfect student, perfect fucking everything of course I cannot be in a relationship with someone like me. I represent everything your mother hates and you want nothing more than to get her attention, isn’t that so princess?”_

_As the vile words left his mouth, he came closer and closer until his face inches from hers, almost touching. Bellamy’s words hit too close to home, but she was not willing to give him the satisfaction of making her cry. Fuck this situation her mother put her in._

_“If that’s what you believe.” All she heard as she turned and walked away was a resentful huff. When Clarke knew she was far enough that he wouldn’t hear her, she let her tears fall._

_Bellamy watched her walk away from him, not bothering to hide his angry tears._

 

* * *

 

-Present-

Bellamy was working on a honda civic when Miller, Lincoln and Raven came back from a run, driving their harley’s up the driveway of the garage. The three of them had been charged of bringing a load of guns to one of the club's buyers up north. They were coming back later as they were supposed to. As a way of greeting Bellamy just threw the rag he was cleaning his hands with in Raven’s face.

“Where the hell are you coming from? You should’ve been back this morning.” Bellamy wasn’t really concerned - if something would have gone wrong, the club would have heard about it sooner.

“Fuck off, Blake.” After parking her bike in its designated spot Raven stalked past him, hips swinging, grim look on her face. Without a further word, she disappeared into the clubhouse.

“County police interfered and we had to take a detour. Raven almost pulled a gun on that new Cop, Shaw after he asked to see her license.” Lincoln’s voice was calm, with a hint of amusement. “Miller thinks she has a thing for him.”

“Jesus!” It’s either an amazing idea to get into bed with a cop - if he could be bought - or the worst thing to ever happen.

“Well, she yelled at him and then almost smiled. When was the last time you saw Reyes smile at a guy without putting a bullet in his head afterwards?” Bellamy laughed and patted Miller’s face affectionately and started following Lincoln into the Club house. Pike wanted to hold a meeting in the church.

“Bellamy, wait a second. I have news, brother, and I don’t think you’ll like it.” Miller never held back any bad news or wrongdoings and Bellamy did not trust anyone more than him. Of course, he trusted the whole APMC with his life, but he had grown up with Miller, shared everything there was to share.

Miller had come out to him first, and Bellamy had protected him from older members who had problems understanding that sexuality wasn’t a reason to excommunicate a member. Bellamy’s step-father had stood behind him, backing him up. There had been no room for discussion.

“What’s up? Anything else happen on the run?” Miller shook his head. “No, the cargo was safely delivered, Linc has the money.” Bellamy simply nodded and waited for him to continue. “Look man, I don’t want you get the info from anyone else, alright? Clarke’s back in town.”

Bellamy inhaled slowly. Clarke was back. Flashes of memories hit him in mere seconds: Clarke smiling at him for the first time, teasing him, kissing him, leaving him. Time had gone down the Arkadian river however, so the pain he had felt at 18 was a mere shadow, a ghostly memory. Bellamy became a stronger man the day Clarke told him she wouldn’t live the life he led, his family led and he got over his own misery.

“I told you Gaia is sleeping with one of the nurses in St. James Hospital, right? Apparently Griffin is working there now, moved back a week ago and already started working,” explained Miller as he pulled out his cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to Bellamy.  

“Good, this just means we have someone at the Hospital, we can trust with our business.” Bellamy offered his small lighter to Miller before using it himself. His friend just watched him with a sceptical expression. “You sure you can still trust her?”

“Clarke might be a lot, but she isn’t a rat, Nate.”

“Don’t Nate me, Bellamy, it’s not my fault she’s back. If it’s someone’s fault it’s your dumb face. She probably heard how ugly you’ve become and she needed to check for herself.” Bellamy burst out laughing.

“Yeah, probably.” As funny as the joke was, Bellamy was sure Clarke was not back because of him. She probably had a solid reason to move back to the town she had always hated so much.

The last ten years were equally good and bad for Bellamy. He rose in the ranks of his club and was now second in command. The business was flourishing - the gun business as well as the garage. Only his private life wasn’t the best. The girl he had thought he could learn to love, turned into a drug addict, slowly wasting away.

Every rehab he had put her in was only successful for about three weeks then she was back on the needle. He had married her before she valued the rush of the heroine more than anything else, but after the third unsuccessful rehabilitation he filed for divorce.

At a desperate attempt to win him back he was stupid enough to sleep with her. Why, he wasn’t sure anymore. When it came to women he did not have the best track record. He had fun, but he should have known better. Roma was a lot, but she had become bad for him and he knew it.

Since Clarke, there really had not been a woman who satisfied him. She had been his equal, especially intellectual. He had never felt the need to hide his interests or himself from her. It was a long time ago, though, so there wasn’t a reason to torture himself with thoughts about her.

However, Bellamy would not be treating her as if she were a stranger. She had been family once and even if she wasn’t anymore, he would not forget she helped him through some of the hardest times of his life.

When he zoned back in, Miller wasn’t walking at his side anymore, but his mother was coming towards him. Bellamy smiled into her welcoming hug.

“My boy,” Aurora kissed his cheek. “Have you finally heard from your stupid Ex-wife?” He had not. Roma wasn’t talking to him anymore, because he decided to not to retract the divorce even though he had gotten her pregnant.

“Don’t talk about her like this, Ma. A heroine addiction is a serious illness.”

“But she is stupid enough to continue to put this shit in her veins even though she’s pregnant with your child, isn’t she!” Bellamy agreed with his mother of course, but he had tried to help Roma, even offered to pay for the abortion, but she wasn’t having it. Now he just prayed for his daughter to survive.

“I know, Ma. I’ll go over to the house tomorrow.”

“Alright - You’re a good boy, Bellamy.” She padded his cheek lovingly. “I will go over today. I want the shithole that your house has become renovated before the baby comes.” Bellamy contemplated disagreeing with her, but he knew there was no way he could sway her.

“Call me, when you’ve talked to Roma, Grandma.”

“I love you with everything I have, Bellamy, but if you call me Grandma one more time...”

Bellamy laughed out loud and watched her get into her car.

* * *

 

The meeting in the Club’s church, the room where every decision was discussed and where they planned runs, exploits and retaliations, was a short one. Lincoln, Raven and Miller told Pike how the run had gone. Their buyer was pleased with the guns and had already ordered more.

“We need to see if the our New York division is able to provide us with more AK47s soon, or if they need some more time to contact our friends in Europe.” Pike gave Lincoln a sign and he nodded in understanding. Lincoln was responsible for contacting all divisions, listening to concerns and as a general person to call if they needed help from the mother club.

There was a clear hierarchy in the club, while it still being a democracy. They voted for their president, who then named their VP. Pike became president after Bellamy’s father died and he named Bellamy VP after he fully joined the club when he was 20.

Lincoln kept all contacts, Miller was responsible for the money, Raven for explosives and mechanical issues. Octavia was the sergeant of arms or the clubs hitman. Even if Bellamy didn’t like it, his little sister was very good at the things she did.

On the council also was Miller’s dad David, John Murphy, Anya Woods, and Tor Lemkin. His mother, even though she was not part of the club itself, was the matriarch, the old lady of the president. She took care of all girlfriends and boyfriends, friends, relationships and contacts in and around of Arkadia. If someone had a problem Aurora knew how to take care of it, or she knew people who knew.

“Next on the Agenda,” Bellamy continued, “are our Prospects. Goggles and Monty asked to be included more in runs. And I think it’s time to give them some more responsibilities.”

“Fine with me.” With a bang with the gravel on the table Pike ended the meeting. Before Bellamy was able to even get out of his chair, the door of the Church opened, Jasper “Goggles” Jordan came in, panic on his face.

“Bellamy, your mother called. They had to bring Roma into the hospital.”

“Fucking hell.”

 


	2. I assume you are the pediatrician

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit longer than the first one, enjoy!

 

Coming back was a bad idea, was the first thought Clarke that came to her mind as she saw the man with the APMC kutte walking past the nurse office. A real bad idea - she didn’t really have a choice though, that she knew it. She was a doctor now, a surgeon and a bloody good one too. She was aware of her achievements on the east coast and the Arkadian hospital board had been very happy to welcome her into the small town medical center because of the name she had made for herself, without the help of her family.

Now, ten years later, her mother was dead, and she was back in the town she ran away from. With one last look at the man in the kutte she turned around, not wanting to be seen. There was an emergency patient she needed to see, anyways. No need to worry about who she could run into, if she were unlucky.

Clarke had moved back three weeks ago, into her grandmother’s house. She didn’t want to live in the big mansion in the nice part of Arkadia, like the remaining part of her family had expected, rather in the small bungalow her father’s mother had left her. The grand house was an empty shell, anyways, since her father’s passing. Now it was only an unpleasant memory of a time long ago.  

           “How is she?”

The voice, his voice, sent a shiver down her back and a sense of dread into her stomach. The last time she had heard his voice she had broken both their hearts. Dammit. She knew she would have to face him eventually at least here she was in her element. Nevertheless, Clarke waited until she heard several heavy footfalls pass the office, the murmurs never really stopping,  and she slipped out of the door opposite from the waiting Club members.

Maybe it was cowardice, maybe just her nerves, but Clarke didn’t think she could take to see him without preparing herself for it first. She checked her clipboard to see where the room of the emergency c-section was located, and with a sigh Clarke realized there was no way she was able to avoid the bikers.

Clarke knew that at some point she would have to face the club. Bellamy alone she could take, with proper preparations, but together with the club, especially Octavia, she wasn’t so sure. _I will not run away from this, not again_ , Clarke thought, while taking a deep breath. _I will not be afraid_.

With every bit of confidence she could muster, Clarke walked around the corner of the hallway where she recognized most of the waiting Club members: Seated close to the door of her patients’ room was Charles Pike, President of the MC and the most powerful man in town.

On the other side of the door leaned Nathan Miller, on his opposite site was Lincoln Woods both men more dangerous than they seemed. At his side Octavia Blake, step-daughter of Charles Pike and as the ring on her finger suggested, wife of the man next to her.

Beside the couple, with club leather tightly fitted around her torso, stood Raven Reyes, with a TNT patch on the right lapel of the kutte. A few of the guys she did not recognize but it wasn’t uncommon for out-of-town bikers to join the mother charter.

Bellamy was nowhere to be seen. 

Clarke’s gaze lingered on Octavia, who just narrowed her eyes at her, but the younger Blake kept her mouth shut. Her eyes were very similar to Bellamy’s, colourwise but they never had the same warmth to them. When Pike spotted her, he nodded in greeting and moved in front of the door. Beside him Miller crossed his arms in front of his torso.

“I assume you are the pediatrician Dr. Jackson notified us about?” Clarke nodded.

“Good. At least we know my granddaughter is in good hands, then.” As much as Pike was feared, he was a family man through and through.

She knew how much this child must mean to him. Especially because Bellamy was his son, not related by blood, but by everything else. His statement however cleared the relation Bellamy had with the patient in the room in front of Clarke. She hadn’t been aware it was Bellamy’s daughter on the line.

When Clarke read the file earlier she had not been able to make the connection. The patient’s name was Roma Reid, female, 27, heroine addict, 8-months pregnant. According to Dr. Jackson she had missed her last three check-ups and her blood test was positive for drugs. The case was a high risk one and now Clarke prayed to whatever god there was, she would be able to save Bellamy’s little girl..  

“I’m going to check up on the Miss Reid now. If you would excuse me.” Pike stepped aside, allowing her to walk through the door. Beside the patient, there were two other people in the room. Aurora Blake and Bellamy. Clarke expected to see him, because he had not been in the hallway, waiting with the others, but to see Aurora here was surprising.

The Matriarch was seated beside the bed, her expression stern, hatred in her eyes. She was clutching her purse, reining in her anger. Her son was facing the window, not acknowledging her entrance. Her patient, looked weakened, pale and she was breathing shallow. Most importantly, though, she was stable enough to survive the surgery.  

“Good Evening, Miss Reid, I’m your paediatrician, Dr. Griffin, I will look after the baby as soon as she has been delivered.” Clarke glanced over to Bellamy, catching the tension between his shoulders.

“I will take good care of her.” He did not turn around.

“Thank you Dr. Griffin.” It wasn’t Roma who spoke to Clarke, but Aurora. Her voice cut through the air. “Will my grandchild survive this?”

Roma Reid had been brought to the hospital about thirty minutes ago, with early stages of labour and some bleeding. Dr. Jackson had informed Clarke that it wasn’t looking too good for the mother. She checked the vitals of the unborn child, efficiently and quickly before answering. 

“I cannot promise anything but that I will do my best, I promise, Mrs. Blake.” Clarke tried to put all the reassurance she was able to give into her words. It didn’t matter what had happened between her and Bellamy, it felt like a lifetime ago anyways. She was saving his baby - for him. For the yearning that gripped her heart and her soul tightly as she looked at his back. She needed him to believe her.

Aurora simply nodded and Bellamy didn’t even show a reaction. Clarke turned to leave the room when a shrill sounding beep cut through the silence and Roma’s eyes rolled back into her head. Before Bellamy was able to even turn around, Clarke’s instincts kicked in and she shouted at both Aurora and Bellamy to leave the room, while she pressed the emergency button.

As she looked up, Bellamy stood shell-shocked in the middle of the room desperate eyes locked into Clarkes, a silent request. She knew what she was doing, so she nodded at him and Bellamy let his mother pull him out into the hallway as the nurses and Dr. Jackson rushed into the room.

* * *

 

Three hours later, Clarke stepped out of the OR, tiredly rubbing her eyes. It had been a very close call for the little girl, now resting in an incubator for premature babies. Clarke had tried her best, but as Dr. Jackson delivered the baby, Clarke had already seen the underdeveloped abdomen and after further examination discovered a cardiac defect. Holding back tears for the daughter of the man, she loved almost a lifetime ago, Clarke braced herself.

The waiting room was filled with members of the MC, supporting their Vice President, their family. Bellamy had always been a leader, he inspired people to follow him, knew how to sway masses, if he wanted to. The role he had now, was no surprise to Clarke, however she wished Bellamy wouldn’t put himself in danger.

 _Don’t think like this, you don’t have the right to judge him,_ she told herself. As she entered the room Bellamy shot to his feet, Pikes hand never leaving his step-son’s shoulder.

“How did it go, Doc?” To her surprise it wasn’t Bellamy who asked, but Pike. “How is Madeline?” Instead of answering in front of the gathered people, Clarke gestured to Bellamy to follow her outside of the room and into a nearby empty office.

Pike, Aurora and Octavia followed them, the latter shutting the door behind her. The anxious and desperate look in Bellamy’s eyes made Clarke speak up.

“She is a strong and beautiful girl,” Aurora and Octavia let out relieved sighs, but Bellamy shushed them almost instantly. “She’s not done, Ma.” His eyes never leaving hers. Nodding for her to continue. He was still able to read her, she realized as she looked into his worried face.

Clarke could see how he tried to hold it together, his face pulled into a stern look. His eyes, however, screamed of fear and of a loss of control. Something they both hated.

“No, I’m not, unfortunately. Right after Dr. Jackson delivered her, it was obvious that because of her prematurity her abdomen is not fully developed yet, which we have to surgically repair. It was caused by the heroin abuse during the pregnancy. It is, however, only the smaller problem.”

Clarke saw anger flashing through Bellamy’s face but it was gone as quick as it had appeared. “She also has a hereditary cardiac defect, which has weakened her. I have to repair the abdomen first, otherwise she won’t make it through the heart surgery.”

“That fucking addict bitch.” Octavia turned on her heels, towards her brother, supportingly taking one of his hands.

When Clarke had left, Bellamys and Octavia’s relationship had been rocky, to see them now, standing side by side, her supporting him, made Clarke want to smile. Bellamy deserved to be supported and understood by the sister he had cared for and raised.

Clarke then spent the following fifteen minutes answering Aurora’s questions about what the diagnosis meant, while Bellamy just stared at the wall, his body radiating anger. Octavia holding onto her brothers hand, his knuckles white as the wall behind him.

There was a chance to save Madeline and Clarke knew she was able to do it, but she needed sleep, the surgery was set to be in a few hours, so she excused herself and with one last look at Bellamy she left the room.

She was only able to take a few steps outside of the room when she heard his voice behind her.

“Clarke, wait.”

She didn’t want to have this conversation after spending the last three hours with her hands full of his daughters blood. But she slowed down enough anyways so he could catch up with her. Instead of walking with her, Bellamy stopped.

With a sigh she turned to face him, and fully take him in. He was broader than when she had last seen him. His hair was shorter and curlier than she remembered, and he had a beard on his sharp jawline, his freckles peaking through the hair. He looked like a new man, but familiar at the same time. God, how she had missed him.

“You don’t have to do this, Clarke.” Bellamy’s beautiful brown eyes bored into hers, his whole torso leaning closer to her, familiar and comfortable with her presence. The open look he regarded her with unnerved Clarke slightly.

She had been sure she could hold herself against him. Clarke had been confident in her assumption that Bellamy would either still hate her or simply disregard her and treat her with fake interest. But he wasn’t.

“I want to help your daughter, Bellamy.” And she really did want to help the little girl. Bellamy smiled at her in a way she had not seen in over ten years, dropping his head to hide it. He understood, like he always did, without her saying much. He was so close to her she could see his freckles, halfway hidden behind his beard. Clarke felt her hand twitch, feeling the need to touch the hair along his sharp jawline.

 _Stop it_ , she told herself.

“It’s good to have you back, Doc,” he said, as he turned around, still smiling lightly. His brows, however, were knitted together in worry.

* * *

 

The cold night air filled her lungs as she walked out the front door of the hospital, ordering food over her phone. For a second Clarke needed to think about where she parked her car the day before. It had been a long shift. After the successful surgery on Madeline’s abdomen, Clarke was more than happy to get to her bed.

With her thoughts occupied with the thai curry she’d ordered and a hot shower, she didn’t notice the pink peonies stuck to her car’s windshield. _This can’t be_. Confused and nervous Clarke got out of her car and looked around the parking lot, before taking the flowers.

 _He can’t be here. No, he wouldn’t be this stupid_.

Clarke took a deep breath. There was no need to panic of course, she had a restraining order and he would not risk losing his job. But the flowers told her a different story - they had to be from him. He was the one who had always given her pink peonies, as a promise. Now it seemed more like a warning to Clarke, like a reminder that he was still there. Watching her.

A few months before Clarke moved back to Arkadia she broke up with her then boyfriend, because after the honeymoon phase she realized they did not actually have anything in common. And if Clarke was honest with herself, the sex had just been mediocre not amazing like she told herself over and over.

He was charming and in the beginning it seemed like they had the same interests and plans. But it had been a farce. Clarke felt stupid mostly, for investing time in a relationship that had no future, but she accepted that she basically lost half a year to the guy. So she had broken up with him.

At first she had not heard of him and moved on, Clarke even dated a lovely girl named Harper but then he started showing up at the hospital, in her supermarket, in the park where she was strolling around with Harper enjoying the sun. He was everywhere she was, always coincidently he reassured her, they lived close to each other after all.

After a while Clarke realized it wasn’t random and even Harper told her he showed up at her place regularly. Still, Clarke tried to continue to live her life without thinking too much about him. Until Harper broke up with her, because someone had stabbed all of her tires and she felt like it could only be him.

Clarke requested a restraining order three days after the tire incident. If he was capable of wrecking her girlfriend’s car, Clarke wasn’t sure she could imagine what more he was capable of. The first time the peonies appeared was a week after the restraining order was issued and Clarke knew it was time to go back home and leave Boston.

Clarke looked around again, but except for a family talking in front of the entry, there was no one to be seen. There was no need to worry. Someone probably just confused cars. Shit like that can happen. She wouldn’t take the flowers home with her, what if the person who left them here realized their mistake and come back? The easiest thing was to place them on a park bench close to her parking spot, so that was what she ended up doing before driving herself home.

She tried not to let it get to her head. He wasn’t that stupid - he could not be. Back in Boston his stalking was strategic, intelligent and systematic. It wasn’t like him to be this reckless. No. It surely wasn’t him. The flowers were an accident, just a coincidence.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading guys! 
> 
> and thanks so much for the lovely comments on the first chapter. They mean the world!
> 
> It might take me some time to update next, because of School, but I'll do my best. 
> 
> xx.


	3. An ATF kind of problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who finally updated. 
> 
> Enjoy, friends!

Bellamy woke up the next morning later than he anticipated. His alarm must not have gone off. A little groggy he tried to process the events of the last day. He was a father now - an actual father. He basically raised Octavia when he was younger but only because his mother had to work two jobs after his father’s passing.

It was different now though. With Octavia, the raising part stopped when his mother came home, now with Madeline it would never stop. And the worry wouldn’t either. Dr. Jackson did tell him about Roma’s critical condition right after their first ultrasound. Pregnancies of addicts were always treated with a lot more caution and check-ups. But he would have never guessed that his little girl would come into this world ten weeks early, underdeveloped and with a heart condition.

When Clarke broke the news to him and his family he almost lost his footing. The fact that she was there, however, grounded him, like she always had. Seeing Clarke and knowing that she was good at her job he knew his little girl would survive this. In the end she was a Blake and Blakes never went out without a fight.

Despite not having seen her in over ten years Bellamy was still in awe of her beauty. She had grown into her curves, the hair now shorter, just gracing her shoulder. Clarke was still as stunning as he remembered and the connection they had before was still intact.

Bellamy couldn’t really believe that he was still able to just look her in the eyes and know precisely what was happening in her head. It’s where he saw the reassurance that Madi would make it. That Clarke wouldn’t let him down.

Bellamy turned on his back, the bed creaking underneath him. Now that Roma was in the hospital and very likely to go back to rehab, he should move back into his own home. He could never raise his baby girl in one of the rooms over the club house. It was no place for a baby.

After taking a long shower, washing the dirt and the feel of the hospital off him, he went looking for coffee, knowing Goggles would already be downstairs, fixing breakfast. The boy was in his early twenties and Bellamy really liked him. He was loud and goofy, joking around with Monty throughout the day. Most importantly however, Jasper knew how to make some great coffee.

“Good Morning, VP!” As Bellamy had predicted the prospect stood behind the bar, fixing up some of the dark brew Bellamy needed to function. He nodded in greeting and took his cup that had already been filled.

“Thanks, Jasper.”

“No worries. Oh and congrats on the baby.”

Bellamy also picked up the newspaper and walked towards one of the couches that were placed in the main room of the club house. The room looked more like a pub or a very skanky bar, but he liked it. The familiar interior felt like home to him. Bellamy had spent most of his childhood here, playing with Miller and the others outside, while his father, his now step-father and the others were planning, plotting and deciding on the future of the club.

The memories of his father were blurred, only a few standing out, most prominently the day his mother told him about his death. He had been 15 and had just come back from school were he successfully asked Clarke out to go to the movies with him.

Miller and him had been sitting on one of the table’s in front of the garage when his mother came up, tears in her eyes and his father’s motorcycle helmet in hand. Bellamy sensed what had happened.

His grief caused him to be angry at the world, at everyone around him. Bellamy hadn’t been sure why Clarke stood by his side even though he'd been horrible after his father’s death. He later learned, that Clarke’s father had passed when she was 10, so she understood his grief better than most. They had been inseparable for years afterwards. Until that day, ten years ago, where Clarke had ripped his heart out of his chest.

The front door shut, and Bellamy looked up from the newspaper he wasn’t really reading and saw Pike, David - Miller’s father, and Murphy walking in. The three of them had grave looks on their faces.

“Get up, Son. We have a problem.” Was all Pike said as they disappeared into the church. With furrowed eyebrows and the sense of dread filling him, Bellamy followed them, while signaling to Jasper to get the other missing members of the council.

Fifteen minutes later, everyone was at the table. The room had been quiet and Bellamy really wasn’t sure what could be so wrong, that Pike wouldn’t tell him until everyone was assembled. Octavia was the last to arrive and she wasn’t even able to close the door when Pike started talking.

“There was an attack on one of our warehouse. Last night, when we all were at the hospital Eligus MC bombed the thing after clearing out all our Ak’s and Revolver parts. Kane said they found footprints, army boots, that’s why we know it was them.”

Bellamy pulled up his eyebrows. This was bad news, very bad news. Without the warehouse and their depo there, they wouldn’t be able to do business, not with their friends in europe nor with the drug cartel over in LA.

“Kane also mentioned that the sheriff department is interested in the case, because it was so close to their jurisdiction. We cannot allow them to interfere. They are not as easily bought as the local cops and if they search the perimeter and find some of the remaining gun parts, the ATF is going to overrun Arkadia like ants a dead spider,” Pike explained, getting potentially more annoyed. Then his gaze zoomed in on Bellamy.

“I need you to go over there and see to the police not sticking their noses in places they don’t belong in,” his dark eyes narrowed, looking Bellamy up and down. “Are you up for this, Boy?”

In part Bellamy knew that Pike was giving him an out, a chance to take care of his daughter before handling the club and he was grateful for it, but he would not disappoint his club.

“No, I got this,” he replied, his voice sure. “I’ll have Aurora go into the hospital and deal with the doctors.”

 

* * *

 

It took the council about an hour to come up with a retaliation plan and a way to get their guns back. Pike, Raven, Murphy and Bellamy would be the avenge team, while Lincoln would drive down to LA with Octavia to calm down their contacts there.

“This is ridiculous, Pike. I’m your Sgt. of Arms, why in fucks name shouldn’t I go with you? What if the EMC is waiting for you? Do you really think Murphy or Bell are capable of what I am?” Most of the council were already outside of the church, which was favourable for Octavia because Pike did not like decided plans questioned by anyone. He didn’t mind a change of plan in cases of emergencies or unforseen problems, but not something small like personell.

“Be quiet, Octavia,” Bellamy warned his little sister. He was standing tall, arms crossed in front of his chest, radiating authority. The dark haired woman, just puffed.

“Fuck you,” she hissed at him, while Pike just regarded them both, waiting for them to shut up.

“I have my reasons to send you with Lincoln,” he started. “The LA cartell is making problems since Cage took over, which you know, Octavia. I need you to be there, to show that little rat we don’t accept his disrespectful behaviour towards us.”

Bellamy nodded in agreement. Cage was a first class asshole, but his drug business and an illegal fighting ring made him a lot of money. Him and the Cartel needed the guns and sometimes protection for their drug runs, so they paid a lot of money to the MC. Over the last few weeks Cage had been twitchy, disrespectful and even threatened to cut ties with the club if they would not go down with prices.

“What do you want me to do with him then?” The look on Octavia’s face was one Bellamy had seen a lot over the last few years, but it still made him feel uneasy. Her eyes gleamed dangerously and her smile was more of a showing of teeth. She was all predator. Pike padded her on the back. “Be creative, but don't scare him off. We need his dirty money.”

Bellamy watched her leave, with a new found vigor in her step. He inhaled the smoke of his freshly lit cigarette, going through the plan in his head. It would work, it has to. He was confident in his friends, his family, but there was always a risk. But Bellamy loved the rush that came with it. Now however things were changing for him.

Madi was his priority now and despite reassuring Pike it would be no problem for him to take care of club business, he felt like he should be at the hospital. Maybe he should call Clarke. Just to hear how his baby was.

He took out his phone eagerly. Yes, he would call Clarke. Right before he typed in the number Bellamy realized he didn't know if she kept her old number. She probably didn’t. Fuck.

Well then, if calling her wouldn't be an option for him, he just had to go over to the hospital after they’ve finished later.

On his way outside of the club house, Bellamy saw the chief of police driving onto the parking area in front the garage through one of the windows. Interesting. He quickened his step, intensified his swagger, naturally slipping into his role as VP.

“Kane! What a lovely surprise seeing you here, you haven’t dropped by in forever.” Bellamy smirked at the man.

Marcus Kane was the chief of police since Bellamy could remember and he always had been in the pockets of his father, then his stepfather, because of his well running smuggling ring. From him Bellamy had learned that no one had a white vest, that everyone had a track record. Some people just hid it better than others.

“Bellamy,” Kane greeted him with a handshake, pinching his eyes close to shield them from the blasting midday sun. “We have a problem.”

“A problem? What kind of problem?” Bellamy regarded the chief. His posture was nervous, he was scanning the area around them.

Instinctively Bellamy did, too. However he did not see anything unusual, except for Miller staring at them, so he signaled him over. His best friend nodding at Kane.

“An ATF kind of problem.”

“Your kidding? We haven’t had the an ATF problem since before I was born.” Miller was right and it was not possible for them to have sniffed out their warehouse situation this quick. Even the ATF wasn’t this efficient.

“Spill,” commanded Bellamy, ignoring the annoyed look in Kane’s eyes at the implied subordination.

“I don’t know much,” he started. “Yesterday in the late afternoon, a guy comes into my office and introduces himself as ATF agent Finn Collins, Boston division. He said he was here to investigate the club after he received a tip.”

“A tip? No one in their right mind who knows any of our business would tip off the ATF.” Again, Bellamy agreed silently with Miller.

“Boston division, you said?” The idea who could’ve tipped off the agent came to Bellamy and as quickly as it appeared he told himself she would not do this. He was sure of it. Still, it was something to consider. Something he would have to talk about with her.

“Yeah,” Kane scratched his head, his long hair flopping with the movement. “If you ask me, Bellamy, something is up with the guy. He doesn’t feel right to me.”

“I didn’t ask you, Kane, but thanks for your assessment. The club appreciates it.” Without another word he left the guy where he was standing, Miller following him.

As soon as they were out of ear shot from Kane, Bellamy stopped, facing his brother.

“We have to be more careful tonight, now that we have a little visitor. As does O and Linc. I need you to find Pike and tell him.” Miller nodded in agreement. “I’m gonna find Raven and Murphy. We’ll meet up at the rendezvous we agreed on, see that no one follows you. Every car we don’t know is the wrong car.” Bellamy hugged Miller in goodbye and strode over to his bike.

* * *

Aurora walked up the hall of St. James Hospital with easy confidence. Bellamy asked her to come check up on Madeline and she would not let her son down. Not when he was doing business for the club. And of course she would never let down the little girl lying in the incubator, monitored by unfamiliar nurses and doctors.

Family was the most important thing and she would protect her own from everything, no matter what was thrown at them. She did not consider Roma family anymore after what she did to her granddaughter. Bellamy made the mistake of marrying her, but after Roma’s third failed rehab she did convince him to file for divorce.

Bellamy probably wouldn’t give her the credit, which is fine. If her children act on her advice it doesn’t matter if they think it was their own idea. In the end mother’s know best.

Due to hospital policy, Aurora had to wait at the nurse’s desk until someone would bring her to the baby, so she listened to the small talks and the whispers shared in the hall. It was mostly nonsense and not interesting until she picked up Bellamy’s puppy loves name.

“There is a call for you, Dr. Griffin.”

“Who is it?” Clarke replied, sounding like she had better things to do than take calls during her shift.

“It’s from Boston.”

Aurora watched the girl that broke the heart of her boy take the phone, watched her turn white as a sheet and hang up the phone forcefully. Interesting. Whatever, or better _whoever_ could make the little spoiled princess react like this?

When Bellamy fell in love with Clarke, Aurora had been against it, even felt a little bit threatened by the girl. Every mother knows this jealousy, where your little baby now thinks someone else is the greatest woman in the world. But she had gotten used to Clarke, silently disapproving though.

She watched as Bellamy fell deeper and deeper and despite her dislike for Clarke, she saw the same deep feelings in the girls eyes every time she saw the couple looking at each other.

Aurora had not expected Clarke to run and she was not able to forgive her for breaking Bellamy’s heart. Right now, she needed the young doctor, so the matriarch put on a smile, all friendly business and signaled Clarke, who still stood in front of the phone as if she wasn’t able to move, to come over.

“Good morning, Doc. Everything alright there?” She asked sweetly, nodding towards the phone.

“Oh, Mrs. Blake,” Aurora observed how Clarke shook away her stupor and got herself together again. “Everything is just fine.” She was clearly lying, but Aurora just nodded, dropping the topic.

“The nurses apparently don’t have any time to bring me to my granddaughter,” Aurora looked accusingly at one of the nurses behind the desk. “Would you be so kind to bring her to me?” Clarke nodded, still not being the confident doctor Aurora had met last night. Interesting indeed.

 


	4. Come on man. Just shoot him.

Night had tinted the world in dark blues and blacks, as Bellamy drove the club Rover slowly onto the parking lot in front of the EMC’s warehouse. It was completely dark, except for a single lantern on the street. It was almost too quiet. Bellamy loved but also hated gigs like this. 

The adrenaline, the excitement and the rush were so familiar to him, he greeted them like old friends. The danger, however, the risk of the plan going south weighed heavy on his chest, reminding him of what he had to lose. Especially now.    
They were here for a reason, though. Guns for guns. For retribution and a warning. 

There was no sign of guards, but Bellamy knew better, there was always someone around. Beside him, Pike signaled him a place where Bellamy could park the Rover out of sight. Miller should be somewhere around here, scouting, checking out who of Eligius was left here, where they were stationed. 

Murphy and Raven got out of the back without making any noise, pulling down their hoods, while Bellamy scanned the perimeter and spotted two quick flashes of light - Miller’s signal. So they were only two guards. How foolish of Diyoza and totally out of character for her.

Stealthily as possible, Bellamy got out of the Rover. Their plan was easy enough: while Miller covered the exits, Pike, Bellamy and Murphy would take out the guards, while Raven planted a bomb in the middle of the warehouse. If they were able to find any high quality cargo they’d take it back with them. The APMC had lost quite some valuable guns to the explosion and while the Eligius guns weren’t as good as theirs have been, they were better than no guns to sell at all. 

The group advanced carefully, every step deliberately placed. Murphy, who had always been a good lock picker, lead them to the side entrance and in mere seconds and without any sound except for a little click, opened the door. 

They waited anyways. One second, two seconds - no sound still. It was odd, that they haven’t seen or heard the guards and a sense of dread filled Bellamy and he gripped the gun in his hand a little bit tighter. One after the other went into the first room, guns up and ready. 

The room itself wasn’t big, just a utility storage with an open doorway into the next. Their movements still silent and working like clockwork, they advanced further. 

Still no sign of the guards. Bellamy scanned the room, the boxes and the windows, when he heard a low whistle come from Murphy. 

“Look at what we have here, boss” he whispered while pointing at one of the crates. From his position, Bellamy was only able to make out how Pike narrowed his eyes, while Raven cursed silently. 

“That fucking, slimy, little rat.” 

Soundless, Bellamy approached the stack closest to him and lifted the rag covering it. A small package greeted him, an eagle printed on the label. Cage. Hot rage cursed through Bellamy’s body. So Cage was not only an asshole but also a double-tongued snake. 

“This does not change anything,” Pike hissed, his deep voice cutting through the silence. “We stick to the plan. We’ll handle Cage later.” Murphy nodded in agreement. Raven was already on the floor, assembling the bomb she brought with her. 

Bellamy picked up two of the weapon cradle’s and started carrying them outside towards the hidden Rover, where Miller was waiting, ready to drive off in case of someone finding them. 

As silently as he could, Bellamy put the boxes down and looked around. Still, there was no one to be seen. He was sure they could not be so lucky, and even if they were, it would run out soon. 

Back inside he watched as Raven finished up placing the bomb, while Pike and Murphy carried out the other weapon containers. 

“I have a bad feeling about this, Blake.” Raven said in a whisper. “It’s too quiet. Suspiciously so.” She stood up, dusting off the dirt on her trousers. 

“You set?” Bellamy asked, already heading back towards the exit. He heard her affirming huff behind him. Maybe luck was on their side after all. 

Three ear piercing whistle’s broke through the silence, followed by a set of gunshots and screaming. Fuck!

Within a second Bellamy had his gun in his hand and ready, same as Raven beside him. Without really thinking about what he was doing, Bellamy rushed outside, seeking cover right as he spotted the three members of the EMC, firing at Pike, Murphy and Miller. 

Bellamy felt the adrenaline rushing through his veins. He aimed at the first. Fire. Bullseye. He advanced to the next point of cover. Bellamy’s breathing came out in quick puffs as he peeked over the barrels he was hiding behind. 

One of the EMC guys was still up, the second one was crawling towards safety, clearly not realizing he was in perfect view of Bellamy’s gun. Again, he aimed. But right before he pull the trigger, two arms wrapped around his neck and pulled him into a choke hold. 

God fucking dammit. 

Bellamy tried not to panic, tried staying calm and with one breath he reached between the attackers legs and pulled with everything he had in him on his balls. The screech he released was high pitched and full of pain and it gave Bellamy enough time to rip away the guys arm from his neck, ram his elbow into his guts, twist his arm behind his back and choke his last breath out of him. 

When he was sure the fucker wasn’t getting up again, Bellamy looked around, searching for the rest of his crew. 

Murphy was fighting a guy double his size, but he was holding up just fine. Pike was kicking someone on the floor, Miller was limping towards Raven, who was fighting dirty with a man holding a knife, dodging every attack and hitting him on all the pressure points known to men. In mere minutes it was over. Raven’s leg brace had deceived a lot of opponents of hers, all of them underestimating her ability to defend herself. 

With one ear and eye out looking for more EMC men, Bellamy rushed over to Raven and Miller. Murphy and Pike already dragging the dead into the warehouse. 

“It’s always fun to watch you fight men who don’t know better.” 

“Well, it’s fun to kick their asses.” She said with a feral smile on her face. “This one’s not dead though.”

“Someone has to kill him,” a deep voice said behind them, commanding attention. Bellamy knew what kind of consequences would come with disobeying Pike but he hated murdering a human being in cold blood instead of self-defence. 

“I don’t want to hear a word, Son. You finish him and then come to the Rover.” No disagreeing allowed. “Raven, set off the bomb as soon as Murphy dragged the body into the warehouse. We don’t need any evidence against us.” 

With sure steps Pike walked away, followed by Miller, who looked at Bellamy with a disbelieving expression. Something was up with Pike. His cruelty and aggression was building up. Bellamy’s gun hand was shaking as he aimed at the head of the man on the ground, waiting for Raven to clear the space. He focused on the spot between the eyes, listening to her disappearing footsteps. 

“Come on man. Just shoot him.” Murphy commented. The growl out of Bellamy’s mouth, however, had the younger man raising his hands in defence.

Without taking another breath Bellamy pulled the trigger. 

* * *

 

Clarke’s shift had been long and exhausting. Too many close calls, too many almosts. But not only the stress of her job was crushing her today. The call she had received earlier this evening had shaken her to her core. He wasn’t allowed to contact her, and yet he did. She should have known he wouldn’t stop, wouldn’t leave her alone. 

Now the flowers from the other night had a completely different meaning. They weren’t a mistake. He had placed them there on purpose, to remind her of him. She was very grateful that Gaia, one of the nurses, had asked if Clarke could give her a ride after the shift. She really wasn’t sure if she wanted to walk alone to her car in the darkness. 

Mindlessly Clarke finished her last rounds of her shift with Madi. Her little body seemed even smaller in the incubator. Clarke went over her vitals, which were satisfactory, and then sat down on the chair next to it. Madi looked a lot like Bellamy as far as newborns can look like their parents. Underneath her little hat, Clarke could see faint black hair peeking out.  

Clarke put one of her hands into the incubator and let Madi grab her finger with her hand. Reflexes were good too, she noted. The girl looked so peaceful that Clarke needed to close her eyes. Here she felt at peace too. She hadn’t thought about what it would mean to her if she took care of Bellamy’s baby. 

Sure, she was just the doctor, but it felt like a much stronger bond than that. She loved Madi. She wanted to protect her from any kind of harm. 

“She likes you.” His deep voice startled her and she turned around. Bellamys hair was wet, as was his kutte. His dark eyes were sparkling, as he looked down at them, his gaze soft. For a second Clarke was taken aback by how much she just wanted to curl into his arms and sleep. The connection between their minds and bodies overwhelming her.  

“I guess she does.” Clarke wasn’t able to fight the small smile on her lips as she looked away from Bellamy and towards Madi. Her fingers were slowly stroking the little fist, when she felt his strong hand on her shoulders, squeezing slightly. An involuntary sigh escaped Clarke, her body leaning into his touch.

Bellamy just hummed, watching Clarke with Madi, a warm feeling building up in his stomach. The fierce doctor he had met a few days ago seemed like a completely different person than the Clarke he was seeing right now. This Clarke was even more familiar to him, more like the girl he had fallen in love with so many years ago. 

Her eyes were tired, however, her shoulders tense underneath his fingers. He had missed her, missed moments like this, where he was just able to be, and no one was expecting anything of him. After what had transpired at the warehouse, Bellamy felt the need to see his baby girl. He hadn’t expected to see Clarke here, too. Not that he was complaining. Just pleasantly surprised. 

“She’s doing so much better already.” Clarke was always the champion of hiding her feelings and not let them slip through, but she’d never felt the need to hide them from Bellamy. So while the exhaustion laced her voice, pride was its companion. 

“She’s gonna be such a strong little girl, just like her father,” Clarke looked at Bellamy, who was enthralled by his daughter, slightly smiling. She saw the love on his face like clear daylight. Amusement and joy joining in. 

“She’s amazing isn’t she?”  

Clarke couldn’t stop herself from standing up and staring at him. “You’re going to be a great father, Bell.” He broke his gaze away from Madi, looking at Clarke in disbelief. 

“You really think so?” She just nodded, not trusting her voice, as an overwhelming feeling of the love she once felt returned. It spread like a wildfire through her body and soul, her heart was beating faster and faster. Luckily Bellamy let his head fall down on his chest, trying to hide his smile, like he always did, nodding lightly. 

The spell was broken all of the sudden when Clarkes pager started beeping with a message from Gaia, asking her if she was ready to go. 

“I need to go,” was all Clarke said, squeezing Bellamy’s arm before pushing past him. She was almost at the elevator as she heard him behind her, but instead of keeping on walking like she did the day Madi was born, she turned towards him and waited. 

Without a word Bellamy pulled her into his arms, holding her tight. In her bewilderment it took Clarke a few seconds to catch up with him, then she wrapped her hands around his back, holding on. She took a deep breath into his chest, the smell of worn leather, and Bellamy’s aftershave filling all her senses. Home, it smelled like home. 

After what felt like hours, Clarke gently tore herself away from him. 

It’s when she saw it - the reddish brown spot on Bellamy’s white undershirt. She knew exactly what that was. 

“Is that blood on your shirt, Bellamy?” Somehow it filled Clarke with anger, that Bellamy had the nerve to show up to his daughters hospital room, covered in blood. 

Confusion spread over Bellamy’s features, then recognition and finally shame, mixed with defense. He stepped back, forcing distance between him and Clarke. 

“That’s none of your business. Not anymore.” 

“Hell it is, when you bring it into this hospital, into Madi’s room, it is my business.” She was underlining every of her words with a strategically placed poke with her finger into Bellamy’s chest. She was not letting this go. “I know you are trying, Bellamy. But Madi doesn’t deserve this.” Clarke said as Bellamy crossed his arms in front of him, protecting his chest from her finger.

 “Clean yourself up, if you go back.” 

Bellamy saw her leave, watched her every step, her words ringing in his ears and his heart still racing from their embrace. She was right, of course, like she always was. He should’ve cleaned himself up, but after what he did, after he shot the unconscious man, which blood was on his shirt, he needed to see his daughter. 

Needed to see her innocence, as a reminder of his capability of doing good, of creating something good. He needed to reassure himself of the fact that even if he was a monster, not everything he touched would become one to. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for leaving so many great comments! They really do fuel writing. 
> 
> That being said, real life is a bitch at the moment and finals are around the corner for me, so there probably won't be an update until August. <3


	5. Do you want some ice cream for dessert?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeeey guess who's still alive! 
> 
> I haven't really been in a mood to write and this chapter just didn't want to work out. But I'm happy with it now. 
> 
> As always let me know what you think! 
> 
>  
> 
> xx.  
> T.

-12 years ago- 

 

It had not been the best day for Clarke, in the morning her mother fought with her about how she should put more of her time to use interning in the hospital instead of spending it with her friends, then in class she realised she had left her homework on the kitchen table which led to Mrs. Kane calling her out in front of the full class. It doesn’t sound like much, but Bellamy wasn’t in school either, so she did not really have an outlet to all her frustrations about her mother or her forgotten homework. Needless to say she was in a real foul mood. 

During lunch, Clarke stared at her phone, hoping Bellamy would’ve texted. She understood why Bellamy wasn’t in school, she had buried herself in her blankets after her dad died and not left her room for weeks. The only difference was, that her dad died during summer break and no one knew and would go check up on her. She remembered how desperately she wanted someone to ask her how she was doing and to hold her while she cried. Her mother had thrown herself into work to distract herself from her grief she forgot Clarke in her room. 

She would not let that happen to Bellamy. She understood of course that Bellamy was probably taking care of his mother and sister more than of himself but someone needed to protect him and care for him too. So she would be that person. So Clarke made a decision, instead of going to the hospital like she had promised her mother she would go to Bellamy. Fuck her mother and her expectations. 

The street the Blakes lived on was quiet when Clarke drove towards their house. There were no bikes to be seen. On the day of the funeral there had been no coming through, because every member of the APMC flew in to pay respects to their lost president and to tell their matron they were there if needed. Clarke remembered Bellamy standing in the corner of their living room, eyes red but his jaw squared. He had received some claps on the bag, a hug or two but then he had been left alone before Clarke joined him. She would not let him be alone then and he would not be alone now. 

After parking her mom’s car and picking up the coffee and pastries she had gotten on the way, Clarke walked to the door, suddenly feeling nervous. She wasn’t sure why, because of how many times she had gone to the Blake house. The front garden still looked the same, neatly planted and lovingly tended to by Mrs. Blake. She breathed in deeply and dried her sweaty palms on her cut offs Clarke rang the doorbell. Nothing. No footsteps coming towards the door, no sounds from inside. 

Twisting her neck Clarke tried to get a peek into the upper floor, to see if there was any movement, but she was too small to actually get a glance. Sighing deeply, she then made her way towards the back of the house, knowing that the Blakes always left the back door unlocked when someone was in the house. Clarke would not let herself be discouraged by Bellamy not opening the door for her. He probably did not want to be bothered by APMC members. 

The back porch was decorated with old barn pots now filled with herbs and flowers and a hollywood swing that had been painted white. The house looked more like it belonged to an old lady with too many cats than a family of bikers, and it especially did not look like the president of a motorcycle club was living in it. Or had lived in it. 

With a last look up towards Bellamy’s room where she could not detect any movement either, Clarke pushed down the handle of the back door, opening the door with a squeak. Bellamy had told her from time and time again, how he had oiled it, so it wouldn’t make a sound and therefore make it easier for him to sneak out or in at night, but everytime he had then tried to leave it was squeaking again, alerting Mrs. Blake. _My mom is either a witch or she has some dirty tricks up her sleeve, Clarke_. 

“Bellamy?” Clarke called into the empty kitchen. “Octavia? Mrs. Blake? It’s Clarke.” She walked through the hallway, peaking into the also empty living room. Mrs. Blake was probably at the garage, picking up the work she had abandoned to grieve and Octavia must be out with friends or at some after school club or whatever she did during her free time. 

“Bell? Are you home?” She called out again, taking the stairs. Maybe Bellamy wasn’t home and it had been a bad idea to come here. Maybe he didn’t want to see her. Feeling nervous again, Clarke stepped towards Bellamy’s closed door, knocking before she slowly opened it. 

The room was dark, his curtains pulled in front of the window blocking out most of the sunlight, it smelled like no one had opened the windows in days, which was probably likely. Bellamy was laying on his bed, his blankets pulled over him so only his curls were visible on his pillow. Clarke stopped in her tracks, staring at his bed. Tears gathering behind her eyes. She should have left school earlier. She put the coffee and the bag full of his favourite pastries onto Bellamy’s desk and then sat down on the bed, gently rubbing what she assumed was Bellamy’s shoulder. 

“Bell,” she whispered. “It’s me Clarke. I came to see how you’re doing.” He was awake, but he didn’t answer her. Just kept breathing in and out, so Clarke waited and kept stroking his shoulder, then his head, twisting his curls with her fingers. She wasn’t sure how much time had passed when Bellamy finally rolled onto his back and looked at her. His dark eyes were red, and they seemed empty while they were simultaneously filled with sadness. Clarke reached for his hand, stroking the back of it with her thumb. 

“O shaved half of her head and is talking about dropping out of school,” he whispered, his voice raspy as if he hadn’t talked to anyone today. “Mom is too busy flirting with Pike to notice O’s bad behaviour and my dad isn’t even gone that long.” Bellamy’s eyes filled with tears as he averted his gaze, while holding on to her hand tighter. “I’m just so tired,” Clarke nodded, understanding, while anger and sorrow burned her guts. Octavia had always been spoiled by Bellamy’s parents to make up for the time they weren’t there to raise her. For her to rebel was no surprise to Clarke, but Aurora flirting with Charles Pike, she almost didn’t want to believe it. .  

“I can talk to Octavia if you want, maybe she’ll listen to me.” Clarke whispered back, afraid that if she talked in a normal voice she’d fuck this up and he would close up again. “I know how hard this is Bellamy, I really do, and I want you to know I’m here if you need me.” Bellamy’s eyes now bored into hers and Clarke felt like she was able to see into his brain. They always had had a deep connection. Since she knew him, even though in the beginning he didn’t trust her, didn’t want to know her. But she had seen what kind of person Bellamy was, right from the start.

They stayed in Bellamy’s bed, talking for a couple of hours. Clarke told him about the fight she had with her mother in the morning, and how she hated how their good relationship had disappeared after her father’s death. She tried to distract Bellamy as best as she could, but the sadness in his eyes never really faded. They had cold pizza for dinner, Bellamy leaning onto the counter opposite of the one Clarke was sitting on. Even in his grief Clarke found it hard to shake off how beautiful he was, and fantasies about him coming over to her, kissing her, confessing feelings for her crowded her mind. 

She was aware she was inappropriately, selfishly dreaming , and the scenarios in her head were very unlikely to be become reality, but she just wasn’t able to stop herself. Clarke had tried to pinpoint the exact moment when her feelings towards Bellamy, the guy she had despised only a few years ago, had changed but it escaped her. She suddenly felt giddy, tumbling butterflies in her stomach one day after he smiled at her.

He didn’t feel the same, though, and she really tried to accept it. Knew that he wanted something different, someone like Echo White, who he dated when they first started to form a friendship. Clarke was the sole opposite of Echo. Where she was curvy, Echo was slender, where she was soft, Echo was defined. It was ok, she told herself on a regular basis. He was her best friend at least and she knew him in ways all the girls he had slept with during their friendship didn’t. It should be enough for her, but she wasn’t so sure anymore. 

* * *

 “Clarke,” she heard him saying amused, snapping her out of her thoughts. “Where have I lost you to, hm?” 

“Erm nowhere, I just zoned out,” she covered for herself. Bellamy watched as the small smile that had caressed her lips vanished as she jumped of the counter, walking towards the freezer. “Do you want some ice cream for dessert?” 

“Sure.” Bellamy knew she was deflecting something and he was sure she didn’t just zone out. Her eyes had been glassy and content. It bugged him, that she didn’t wanted to share what she was dreaming about with him. Over the last couple of years, they’d gotten closer and closer and there wasn’t much she did not share with him. He managed to coax most everything out of her. Like she did with him, too.

He didn’t have the intention to tell her what had happened this morning between his sister and him, or that he witnessed his mother getting all cozy with Pike. He was aware that everyone grieves differently, but he had expected more of his mother. What exactly he wasn’t sure, just more. His father wasn’t even dead a month. Clarke just listened, understood, offered her help without imposing pity. It was like she knew exactly what to say, how to console him. 

He watched her, as she took out a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, his favourite, and came over to him. Meanwhile Bellamy had taken out two big spoons for the both of them, handing over one of them to Clarke. She offered the pint to him, settling in next to him, the warmth of her body radiating towards him. Her scent filling him, like it did every time they hugged, or were close. He bumped his shoulder against hers. 

“Thank you,” he tells her softly. “For coming over today. I needed it.” He smiled at her, but she didn’t look at him, instead she just huffed in acknowledgment. Bellamy’s eyebrows greased together in confusion. What had happened in her head, that she wasn’t even looking at him now? With a clinking sound he put down his spoon, stepping in front of Clarke, who held tight to the pint to save her life. If Bellamy hadn’t been so confused to her behaviour he would have laughed at the sight of her, furiously shoving the ice cream into her mouth.

Gently he took both her spoon and the container and set them aside, crowding her against the counter, his body almost touching hers. Clarke shifted her weight in front of him, fidgeting the sleeves of her sweater with her hands, still not meeting his gaze. With gentle carefulness he lifted her chin up, so she had to look at him. Stubbornly her eyes darted around, trying to escape him, so he waited, until her stare met his. 

She swallowed nervously, unable to move. He was dangerously close. Clarke’s whole body felt hot, overcome with feelings. She tried to regulate her breath but it was speeding up. Bellamy started talking again, but all she could think about was his breath meeting her lips, her eyes fixating on his lips. The air felt thick between them and she didn’t understand what he was saying, the blood in her ears pulsing too loud. Without much thought for repercussions, she pressed her lips to his. Releasing the breath she was holding. He felt too good to be true and Clarke soon realized that he wasn’t kissing her back. Hurt and embarrassed she snapped back, bumping her head against the cabinet behind her. 

“I shouldn’t have done that,” she mumbled as she pressed passed Bellamy, who was frozen in shock, his mouth half open. Tears started to fill her eyes. How stupid she was, kissing him in his kitchen. This would ruin their friendship she was sure. She rushed towards the front door, shakingly trying to put on her sneakers, cursing, when she was unable to tie them. Fucking hell, she kissed Bellamy without him wanting her to and now she wasn’t even able to fucking tie her shoes. She finally gave up, grabbing for the front door, when she felt his hand clutch hers, pulling her towards him. Clarke stumbled in his direction, only stopped by his hard broad chest. 

One of his hands cupping her face, his thumb wiping away the tears falling out of her eyes. Through her embarrassment their eyes locked and she realized his pupils were almost black.. Her breath was knocked out of her again, as his faze closed in on hers. His lips touched hers softly at first, then with an urgency that made Clarke gasp into him. They moved together, equally teasing desperate sounds out of the other. Bellamy, unable to control himself, pressed Clarke against the door, invading her mouth with his tongue, roaming his hands over her body. The feeling she invoked in him was invigorating, intense. Her quiet moans, spurting him on.

He groaned as Clarke pulled his lower lip into her mouth, sliding her soft tongue over it, soothing where she bit him. Their frenzy turned into a slower, but equally powerful exchange after some time. Her hands locked behind his head, her fingers playing with his hair like she had done earlier, not letting go of him. Bellamy breath was ragged and he felt her chest pressing against his in a similar heavy rhythm. With a small smile he let go of her lips, not moving far, just pressing his forehead against hers. With his eyes still closed he kissed her wet cheeks, one after the other, he kissed her eyes, her nose and again her soft lips. 

“Fuck,” was all he said. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the first time I'm posting unedited, because I couldn't wait to share this with you guys. 
> 
> so please be kind (and ignore all my mistakes, thank you). 
> 
> Comments and kudos are asalways appreciated <3 
> 
> Ps. I'll probably edit this as soon as I have the revised version from my amazing beta.


	6. Just to be safe.

Finn Collins sat in the office the police force cleared for him three days ago. It was too bloody hot inside and even worse outside. How come this damned building didn’t have a functioning AC? He wished he was still in Boston, in his nicely climatized office. He was here for a reason, though. 

He looked down at the files before him, sweat running down his back. Finn had always thought the heat in California was bearable, but no. He tried concentrating on the file with the number #87, Bellamy Blake. Second in command of the Arkadia Pagan’s Motorcycle Club, the alleged headcount of 3 murders, two assault charges, one illegal gun possession. Overall Blake had spent 2 and a half years in prison.

Quite the list. Impressive too, that he wasn’t charged for more. Finn believed there was more to be dug up, more to be found. And he was here to find it and to lock Bellamy Blake away forever.  

Through his open door, Finn was able to hear the Arkadian Chief of Police, Kane, shouting commands at one of his officers. The man was radiating suspicion towards Finn like he could smell something was off. Usually, the Chiefs Finn met were happy someone with more power, with more influence was there to help with gang problems, outlawed motorcycle clubs, illegal gun trade and drug runners and dealers.

Not Kane - he viewed Finn like an infiltrator, claiming the APMC was not outlawed anymore, but law-abiding citizens of Arkadia. He behaved as they had changed, but Finn had proof. He had the case files and the convictions, but he also just knew that Pike and the Blakes and the others weren’t good people. How could they be? 

They treated people like garbage, disregarded them, but at the same time pull them back into the dangers following them. Just like they had with… 

No, he wasn’t going to think about her right now. He had a job to do. He needed to cleanse the streets of Blake and his ragtag delinquent crew of criminals. Finn needed to free this city from the MC. That’s why he was here after all. 

Taking a sip of his water, Finn leaned back in his chair, listening out into the hallway. The shouting had stopped. Finally. He should probably get going, do some recon and maybe see if he can tail one of the Blake siblings. 

 

 

Later that day, Finn was seated in his comfortable car, parking just the right distance away from the garage and the clubhouse. His binoculars in hand, he was ready. 

Finn knew that Kane had tipped off the MC a few days ago and while watching them he also knew they were very careful: only talking to customers outside the garage but nothing slightly suspicious. But he was here to observe, he had to remind himself, to learn about their comings and goings, about associates, friends, families, relationships. Finn needed incriminating information and the easiest way to get to it was to go through their loved ones. 

However, he was also aware, that there was no point in trying to sway Aurora Blake. The matriarch wouldn’t budge an inch. Finn was sure the woman would know everything but she was like an iron gate, impenetrable. He had spent the day following her, running errands, shopping, saw her talking to Tor Lemkin’s wife.

Finn knew every single member, knew their wives, their children, where they lived. The information he needed to bring down the club, to rid the world of the evil brewing inside their minds. It felt like he was meant to save this town and he was aware that in the end, he was determined to get to his goal, to reach the finish line and be the victor. What could Bellamy Blake, of all people, possibly do? He wouldn’t even know what hit him, Finn was sure of it. Maybe after all this was done he could finally convince her to come home with him…

His thought was interrupted when he spotted a car turn way too fast onto the garage’s driveway. A car he was familiar with. Finn watched as the tiny, black, Smart slowed and came to a stop. Through his binoculars he saw her blonde curls bouncing as she got out of the car, walking towards the part of the building where the office was located. 

A thrumming rage filled his body, boiling his blood. Of course, he knew she was affiliated with Blake and the Club but he still had hoped she would be smarter. Finn observed someone leaving the office and walking towards her and lifting his hand in greeting. 

The rage inside him burnt hotter and hotter. 

 

Bellamy was surprised to see Clarke, after last night he had been sure she would not want to talk to him for at least a few days. Apparently, he was wrong. She wore jeans and a white low cut tank top and her blonde hair almost seemed like a halo surrounding her beautiful face. Even ten years later he was slightly overwhelmed with her beauty. 

“Clarke,” he said, scratching the back of his neck. “Is everything ok?” She smiled slightly awkward. So she hadn’t forgotten about last night then, he thought. 

“I’m sorry, I should’ve called beforehand, but my car,” she pointed at the two-seater behind her, “it’s having some troubles, I think.” Bellamy now walked over, actually looking at the car Clarke was driving. 

“Do you remember, when I first got my bike?” He asked her, his hands on his hips. Her eyes lit up at his question and she nodded, smiling while walking over until she was right next to him, staring at her car. 

“I remember you telling me how dangerous driving a motorcycle is and how many people die in accidents because there are no crush zones,” Bellamy nudged her with his hip. “This is a fucking small car, Princess, and I can’t see a crush zone.” He had not realized he used his old nickname for her until he saw Clarke blush. 

“Well, what can I say, Bell” she shrugged, looking up at him, still grinning. “Maybe I’m not as wise as I was at 16.” 

Bellamy laughed out loud. “If you say so.” He was enchanted by her answering laugh, her face lighting up, her eyes closing as she chuckled. The little mole on her upper lip caught his attention as it had so many times before. Bellamy remembered how he kissed it, traced it with his lips or his fingers.

In a flash, he was 17 again, feeling overwhelmed by his emotions, by how much he wanted her. He was unable to look away, even as she opened her eyes again, his sole focus only on her. Intently he reached for her hand, slowly intertwining his fingers with hers. Bellamy swallowed. 

“I’ll have Raven look over your car this afternoon or tomorrow, would that be alright with you?” Clarke nodded, her gaze still not leaving him, her hand still holding on to his. “This afternoon, or tomorrow, sure,” she repeated trance-like, her voice deeper and more raspy than usual. 

A loud crash had Clarke jump back a bit, letting go of Bellamy like his hand was suddenly too hot to touch. From inside the garage came a muffled apology. Murphy. 

Awkwardly Bellamy ruffled his curls, while Clarke drew circles in the dirt, looking straight on. “Anyways, thanks,” she said, holding out her hand towards Bellamy as if she wanted him to shake it. Slightly confused he did it and Clarke nodded and walked away from him. 

“Clarke,” he said, jogging after her like he had done a few times since they met again. It was like she was constantly fleeing from something, but Bellamy did not have the feeling she was running from him. No. It felt like there was something else.  

“We need your keys,” he said after catching up. “Oh yes. Sorry.” She tossed him the bundle after rummaging through her big bag. 

“Hey, do you need anyone to drive you home? It’s not like you could drive yourself home, right?” A little helpless Clarke looked around, then nodded. “That would be very kind of you, Bellamy.” Together they walked to where Bellamy’s bike was parked. 

“Wait, Bellamy,” she stopped him from taking his helmet. “I did not only come for my car today and I’m behaving like a teenager instead of an adult.” 

“Ok.” Bellamy waited for her to continue while she fidgeted with her fingers, looking anywhere but at him. 

“I came to apologize for last night. You probably just wanted to see Madi after whatever you guys had to do and I get it, I really do.” She paused, finally meeting his gaze again. “You do what you have to, to protect your family and this club. That’s who you’ve always been and you’re going to be a great dad to Madi. I just overreacted, that’s all, I guess. I’m just... I’m sorry. Ok?” 

Bellamy regarded the woman in front of him. The Clarke he had known when they were younger never apologized, even if she had been wrong. She understood, of course, and changed accordingly but she never said the words I apologize out loud. 

“Yeah ok, Clarke. Apology accepted.” He leaned over his bike, feeling the need to be closer to her. “And you did not overreact. I should have gone home first and changed before seeing Madi.” Clarke raised her eyebrows in surprise. She didn’t know the more mature Bellamy either, the one who was able to understand when he had done something wrong.

They both were different people now. The same, but other. Clarke let out an acknowledging huff and grabbed the helmet from Bellamy’s hand. With a grin and his heart a lot lighter, Bellamy swung onto his Harley, waiting for Clarke to climb on. “Don’t forget to hold tight, Princess,” he teased, his good mood now lacing his voice. 

 

From across the street Finn watched as Blake drove away with Clarke, both of her arms tightly around the man’s body. A deep, angry growl escaped Finn’s chest, letting the feelings he was experiencing since she left Boston fill him. If this was how Clarke wanted to play this game, well, she did not know what she was in for. 

* * *

Clarke still remembers the first time she sat on the back of Bellamy’s bike, she also remembers how scared she was and how much she loved it anyways. The feeling of his strong back against her face, the smell of his kutte’s leather in her nose, and the wind around her made her feel safe despite the dangers of the open road. It felt like flying, fast and free. 

So much had changed between the two of them but here behind Bellamy all of it was forgotten. Clarke watched as houses rushed past them. The decision to use her car as a pretense to go talk to Bellamy had been a good one. Sure, it needed someone to watch over it, but not as urgently as she made it seem. Raven probably will look right through it, but Clarke was aware of it and would accept whatever she would get from the brown-haired mechanic. 

She and Raven had been friends once upon a time, but now things were different. Bellamy wasn’t the only person she had left behind when she moved to Boston. Leaving had been her only option or else her mother would have intervened, and she had not been able to allow it. Clarke would always do what would protect her friends and especially Bellamy. 

The feelings that consumed her 10 years ago were breaking out of the cabinet in her heart where she had stored them, locked away. She never stopped loving him, but if she was honest to herself, she had hoped to keep them under wrap. There wasn’t a reason for it now that her mother had also passed, but she was so used to not feeling them, that even first signs of them fully returning scared her shitless. The way Bellamy was a changed man didn’t help either.

He was more compassionate, considerate and aware of the needs of others. As a 17-year-old, he had been caged by his responsibilities and now he seemed to have grown into them. He now was the leader Clarke had always seen in him. And a father now, too. Over the last few days since her arrival, she had seen Bellamy with Madi only a couple of times, but even these short instances were enough for her to realize what a great father Bellamy will be to the little fighter. 

Clarke was pulled out of her thoughts when Bellamy turned into her little driveway. The house her grandmother left her was a small bungalow. She had painted the outside of it in a sunflower yellow because it made her happy whenever she came home after a long shift. The paint was the only new thing, however. 

Bellamy stopped the bike and waited for Clarke to dismount. She took off the helmet with a relieved sigh and shook out her hair. 

She wanted to give him back the helmet and thank him, but before she even got the change, Bellamy properly parked the bike and started walking her to the door. 

“There was a car following us,” he whispered into her ear and Clarke looked over her shoulder towards the street, where she saw a silver Toyota Prius parking. The windshield was darkened so she couldn’t see who sat inside. It made her skin crawl. It wouldn’t be him. It couldn’t be. He might have found out where she was, but he wouldn’t be so stupid to come here. She was convinced now, that he paid someone to put the flowers in her car. No. He was an intelligent guy, so he knew what would happen to him if he came too close to her. 

 “How about, you give me your phone number, and I can call you when the car follows you back,” she suggested, her voice more confident than she felt. 

“Smooth princess,” Bellamy winked at her, a twinkle in his eye, but Clarke couldn’t shake the feeling that he was as agitated as she was. When he embraced her as a goodbye, the tension in Clarke’s body dissipated. Here in his arms, she felt save, it didn’t matter that he was out there, somewhere, waiting.  

She watched through her kitchen window, how Bellamy got back onto his bike and drove away with the silver Prius on his tail. With a determined huff, she walked over one of her cabinets, took out her handgun and placed it into her bag. Just to be safe.

  



	7. You ok there, Darlin'?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's still alive?
> 
> It's mee. 
> 
> I'm in a bit of a Bellarke slump/ writing slump so this update took forever to write. I was kind of stuck with the story and where i want it to go but I'm quite happy how this chapter turned out. 
> 
> Just a warning though, the next chapter might take a while because it's not written and I don't know how long my writing mojo will last this time. 
> 
> Thank you all for sticking with me though. 
> 
> xx.

Over the next couple of weeks Bellamy met Clarke every day in the town’s coffee shop, in Madi’s hospital room, just catching up with her. He learned that she never went on holiday because she didn’t have any time, while he told her about his year he spent driving around the states, checking up on Pike’s contacts. 

“When did you and Roma get married?” She asked one day, while sitting down with him for a coffee in the hospital cafeteria. Clarke’s tone was curious but Bellamy was quick enough to catch the nervous clint in her eyes. 

“Well,” he scratched the back of his head, stalling. “When I was about 24 she came to the club house during a party. She had just turned 21 and she was so full of life, you know.” He looked at Clarke, hoping to see some sort of understanding in her, but she just waited for him to continue, her expression neutral. “At that point, I didn’t know that her happiness was a result of the drugs she took. We got married and when I found out she wasn’t able to stop getting high I filed for divorce.” 

“How did Madi happen then?” She inquired carefully. “If you don’t mind me asking.” There was the nervousness again. 

“After our divorce got through, she wasn’t in good shape but she got better, was clean even. So last year, she showed up at my door.” He paused. 

“I get it,” Clarke interrupted the silence. “She was there.” Not wanting to explain himself any further he nodded.

“Yeah, she was. Well.. What have you done over the years? You’ve clearly been successful.” Seeing her shy little laugh made his chest feel a little tighter. He knew he was on thin ice regarding Clarke, knew how much she hated his lifestyle, but he couldn’t help feeling the way he did. Falling deeper and deeper, every time he saw her. 

“After I left town, I went to Boston, did the whole college thing, then the whole med school thing and got a job, worked, the whole scabable. Like I have told you before I never really travelled, as we.. I mean, I had planned, but I love my job and I’m good at it.” 

“Any jealous ex-boyfriends or girlfriends I should worry about?” He asked with teasing smirk, that made Clarke laugh again. However something about it felt wrong to him, which made him tilt his head to the left a little, assessing her. 

“Erm. A girlfriend or two in college, one while I was working in the Hospital, her name was Harper.” She looked in the distance and Bellamy watched her, as her face closed up, her eyes hardened, and her breathing sped up. 

“You ok there, Darlin’?” Bellamy took her hand. 

“I… I need to go.” Faster as Bellamy could say _Bob’s your uncle_ Clarke had hurried up and left. 

When he looked around to see what had spooked her so much, he didn’t find anything concerning except for a silver prius with darkened windows he did not recognize.

His own words rang in his head: _every car we don’t know is the wrong car_. Fucking ATF. Without taking his eyes of the vehicle Bellamy took out his phone and dialed a number. 

“Kane, what car is the slimy fuck of an ATF agent driving?” His eyes darkened as he saved the number plate in his mind. “Thought so. Thanks,” he said as he hung up. Two can play this game, Collins. 

* * *

Clarke felt bad, she really did. Fleeing from the cafe like a little child who saw their mother after causing trouble had been a dumb move. She couldn’t afford Bellamy to become suspicious of what was going on. She couldn’t allow that he’d come and safe her or do something stupidly heroic and threaten Finn. Finn, who was a federal Agent. Finn, who had stood on the opposite side of the street staring at her and Bellamy in the café.

No, Bellamy could never know. She was sure he would do something rash, something that would get him into jail or worse, killed. 

Without thinking, Clarke walked into the grocery store a few houses down the block. She didn’t really need anything but it was better than to just go home and overthink everything. So Clarke started to load random thing into her shopping basket. There was certainly no need to panic between the toiletries aisle and the canned goods aisle. 

“What do you think, should I buy the three layered or the recycled toilet paper?” His voice startled her and her heart started beating faster with every word he directed at her. She could feel the cold sweat on her back and her breathing started to quicken. Trying to calm herself Clarke inhaled shakily. 

“Why are you here?” Without turning towards him, she started to look around the shop to see if anyone was here, but except for the clerk and a teenage boy she thought could be the son of Mrs. Bryne, there was no one to be seen. Shit. 

“Well, I came to see you, silly.” She could feel him step closer to her, could feel his breath on her ear, making her shiver.

“After you left so suddenly, I had some trouble finding you, but here I am now and we can be friends again, right?” From the corner of her eye she saw him lifting his hand to touch her hair. She snapped herself out of it, before he was able to reach her. 

“Stop it, Finn,” she said, stepping away from him.

“You don’t have any right to be near me and you know it and it would be better if you would leave now.” Her voice was so much more confident than she felt. Clarke could feel something rising in herself, the horrible feeling in your stomach right before a panic attack hits you. With all the mental strength she could muster and every single coping mechanism she learned from her therapist in Boston, Clarke tried to repress the imminent breakdown.

“That’s not a friendly thing to say to me, Clarke. We are friends after all.” His crooked smile, she had found so charming on him in the beginning now just felt daunting and scary.

“But if you don’t want to talk to me now, that’s ok. We can go for coffee maybe, like you did with your little friend.” So he knew about Bellamy, which meant he probably knew about the club. Fuck fuck fuck. 

“See you around, love.” 

.

Next thing Clarke knew, she was sitting on the floor, while someone was rubbing her back. 

“Breathe, girl. In and out. Just like that.” The voice seemed familiar to her, but she could not quite place it. The panic still clouding her mind. She tried to follow the instructions of the voice and with every breath she inhaled her head began to be clearer. And clearer. 

“Now, stand up. I’m going to drive you home, you are in no condition to drive.” Aurora Blake said, stern. This day could not be going any worse. 

“Don’t tell Bellamy about this.” 

“Not even a thank you,” the older woman snickered. “You have not changed a bit, Miss Griffin. Still the spoiled little brat you were.” 

“Excuse me.” Now that her Finn induced panic had subsided she felt anger rise inside her. Not even directed at Aurora but at Clarke’s situation in general, the woman in front of her was just the target of her feelings. This whole thing just wasn’t fair and while the strong hold of Auroras hand on her shoulder guided her out of the store towards the black range rover she was driving Clarke decided to never show any weakness like this in public again. With a last deep breath she straightened her spine and stopped walking.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Blake. I should have said thank you, but I can take care of myself.” Clarke smiled courtley at her while smoothing the blue blouse she was wearing. 

 “If you say so,” her brown eyes were piercing Clarke’s blue ones, while Aurora leaned closer. “But let me say this, whatever is going on with you in your private life, stay away from Bellamy. You might be a good doctor to our Madi, but if I see you close to my son, again after what you did to him, the two of us will have a serious problem.” 

“I’m not afraid of you and if Bellamy wants to see me and spend time with me it’s his choice. I’m not leaving him again.” Clarke almost thought she was seeing things when something like respect reflected in Aurora’s eyes. 

“Cute of you to think that, but we’ll see.” Without another word, Aurora turned around, started her car and drove away. 

Clarke released a breath she didn’t know she was holding. 

* * *

Bellamy drove his bike around town a few times just to see if the car was following him, but after a few miles he realized no one was on his tail. Maybe the agent had just been around the main street and had not been following him - even though it was highly unlikely. He ended his little excursion at the clubhouse, where he saw Lincoln’s and Octavia’s bike parked alongside some of the nomads bikes who were currently visiting.

They had quite the load of members in town at the moment and he was unsure if maybe one of them had lured the ATF to Arkadia. Being suspicious of his own people was not a good move he had to admit. They were all loyal, to him, to Pike, to his family. No one would betray them. 

What if it was Clarke who tipped of the ATF? What if she fled the cafe because she saw the car? What if she was reporting to the Agency? 

No. He knew her and she would never betray him. Bellamy was sure and for his own good he could not start to doubt her. She had always been his ally, his confidant, his person. Even though the last ten years had been hard for him and she had left him, she was still his best friend. 

“You look like you’re going to eat your own helmet when you don’t stop thinking so hard, big brother.” Bellamy didn’t even notice his sister walking towards him until she stood right in front of him. 

“I know what car the ATF bitch is driving.” His sister’s head cocked to the side. “Well that’s good news for a change. Do you have the plate?”

He started walking towards the office space reserved for his mother and their accountant at the side of the workshop. It had been one of the best decisions Pike had ever made to buy the garage next to the clubhouse. It was so much easier now to cover their business up with cleaner business. “I’m not a rookie, O, what do you think?” She followed him. 

“How did it go with Cage?” He opened the door, holding it open for Octavia to go in and stepped into the small room after her. His mother was nowhere to be seen. She should be in. Where the fuck was that woman again? 

“It went as expected.” Octavia smiled like a Cheshire cat, slow and dangerous. “He won’t be stepping out of line again.” 

“What did you do?” 

“Nothing you wouldn’t have done in my position.” Sometimes Bellamy felt like he should be scared of her, of what she had become. Though it seemed like she would have ended up the way she is anyways if he raised her or not. 

“Where’s mom?” 

“She said she was dropping by Jerry’s store to pick up something for pod lock tonight - which she probably didn’t tell you she was doing.” Bellamy just sighed. Every time something went wrong in the business or in the private life of a member she liked Aurora Blake threw a pod lock. 

“ _There is nothing you can’t fix with food and good company_ ,” imitated Bellamy, making Octavia laugh. 

“She should be back any minute, though.” 

Octavia’s words proved correct when Aurora’s car drove up the asphalt towards the clubhouse half an hour later. Bellamy was sitting down in the main room, sorting through reports and invoices of the garage, when his mother came straight for him. Her gaze was a mixture of anger, ice and concern. 

“You ok there?” He asked, slightly worried. “There is nothing wrong with Madi, is there? The hospital would have notified me if there was?” 

“No, our baby girl is just fine. I went to see her before I drove to Jerry’s. She’s getting stronger by the minute.” Aurora sat down next to him. 

“Good, I’m going to see her later tonight.” 

“I’m here to talk about something - someone - else though.” He could feel her glaring at him. “Would you please put that down a second. This is serious.” 

“Most things you want to discuss with me are serious, mom. But events like the pod lock you don’t run past me.” Bellamy smiled at his mother, charmingly. If what is mother wanted to talk to him about was so serious she would have called him in advance. 

“Ah shush. It’s not like I need your permission to gather my family around me to celebrate our newest member.” She smiled slightly, patting his hand with her own. 

“This is about Clarke.” Bellamy just answered with a sigh and leaned back in his chair. “What about her?” 

“I had a pretty interesting run in with her at Jerry’s..” 

She started but was interrupted by Jasper bringing her a cup of coffee. “Thank you, Jasper, you’re a good boy.” Taking a sip of the hot beverage she dismissed him again. “He’s a gain to this family, I’m telling you Bellamy. Not even your father knows how to make coffee that good.”

“Fine by me. You were saying about Clarke?” 

“I saw her talking to some guy.” 

“And why should that interest me?” He tried to pretend like it didn’t bother him, that she was talking to another man. She had every right to do so. It was not like the two of them were a couple. 

Aurora just looked at him bemused.

“Bluffing like that never worked with me, baby. Maybe I should phrase it differently. He was talking to her. She looked more like she wanted to throw up and run away if you ask me - frightened like a deer in spotlights.” 

Clarke was not the easily scared type of person. “She asked me not to tell you, but I'm not her mother. She had a panic attack after he left.” 

Bellamy thought for a second his hearing wasn’t working. 

“Describe the guy to me.” 

“His hair was a bit too long to be considered short, a little bit like yours at the moment. His was a bit lighter though. Brownish, flat. He was about 5’8’’ or 5’10’’, well dressed. Handsome.”

“Did you see his car?” Bellamy had a suspicion but he did not want it to be true. 

“He drove away in a silver..” 

“Prius.” He interrupted his mother, angrily. On her face he saw that he had hit the nail on the head. “You know him?” 

Bellamy just grunted. “She was talking the ATF Agent.” Fuck.

  
  



	8. Tell me then.

 

Full of adrenaline and excitement Finn drove around town. She looked fantastic he had to admit, with her slightly shorter hair. Maybe he would not have her grow it back when they were back in Boston. And they would be back in Boston, he was sure of it. Especially after today, after he saw her. They were still friends and they would be so much more again. 

 

Soon. 

 

His day had not started the way he wanted it to.  He didn’t have eggs for breakfast, then Kane gave him trouble for an inanity, something he, Finn Collins, wouldn’t concern himself with right now. He had a job to do. 

 

Get rid of Blake, then get the girl back. When he saw them in the cafè together, talking and even worse, flirting his entire being was filled with rage as it has a couple of weeks earlier when he witnessed Blake driving her home. She had to stop seeing him. This much he was certain of. When she stopped seeing Blake as the guy she knew when she was just a girl and started seeing him for the monster he was she would understand why he had to go to jail. 

 

He needed a plan, though. Something to elicit Blake out of hiding. Some simple evidence, nothing fabricated but something real. Maybe he should just provoke him enough Blake would attack him, which could cost him at least a few years. But no. An offense so minor wouldn’t be enough for Finn. It needed to sting. Blake had to go to jail for a long ass time, so she would never think of him ever again. Finn dialed a number. 

 

“This is ATF Agent Finn Collins, I need all the files on the Arkadia Pagans Motorcycle Club and everything we have on gun trafficking in southern California.” 

 

* * *

 

After finishing her rounds, Clarke sat down on the chair next to the incubator and stared and Madi’s sleeping form. The little face was all peaceful, her mouth slightly open, her breathing relaxed. In a few days they should be able to get her out of the machine and let her go home, Clarke thought. With Bellamy. And she would not be able to see her regularly anymore, which filled her with an unexpected sadness. She loved Madi, more than a doctor should love their patient. Almost like Madi was hers. _Stupid idea_ Clarke, she told herself. _You are not her mother and there is no point in pretending you are._ Maybe Bellamy would let her see her from time to time. 

 

Jesus Christ. 

 

Exhausted, Clarke pressed her fingers to her temples trying to rid herself of the headache that had appeared after the Finncident. She always told herself she was not actually scared of the guy but today proved her wrong and there was no chance she could deny it now. And Aurora Blake had witnessed it. It was like all her fears were balled up together and were released at the exact same time. You couldn’t show any weakness to Aurora Blake, because she would save the information in her head and use it against you at some point. 

 

A quiet beeping noise interrupted Clarke’s thoughts and she took out her phone to look at it. Bellamy. A slight smile made its way over her lips. 

 

Bell: _We need to talk._

 

Fucking god dammit. Aurora probably ran straight to her son and told him about her observation in the store. Clarke wasn’t sure if she would be able to tell Bellamy everything, the shame of the situation making her shiver. She should not feel shame for what had happened to her in Boston. But somehow she did. Like she had just pretended to be this strong, independent woman, who could handle herself. Never in her life had she been the victim. Maybe she could just lie to Bellamy, though she never had tried before. Never seen a point in lying to Bellamy, who would see right through her Bullshit. There was also no avoiding the conversation. 

 

She texted him back, telling him she was still at work, but would be home at around 10 and Bellamy confirmed in mere seconds.

 

She had one emergency surgery that took her mind of everything for a few hours but the remaining hours of her shift flew by faster and Clarke found herself in her car in front of her house. Bellamy sitting on the steps to the porch, smoking and staring at her. His face was grim and hardened. With a last deep breath, Clarke got out of the car and walked straight past him to her door. 

“Well…” she said, making space for him to press past her and closed the door, reflexively locking it. “What do you want?”

 

“Why did you talk to the ATF agent?” His voice sounded restraint and Clarke saw the anger and hurt in his eyes and she didn’t quite understand why he was so aggravated with her. 

 

Then it hit her. 

 

“If you think for one second I would rat, you should just go Bellamy!” How dare he think something like that. She would never. 

 

“Well, what else was I supposed to think? I have not seen or talked to you in ten fucking years and you move back here and suddenly the ATF is on our doorstep? Explain to me what you would have thought.”

 

It was a rational thought, she had to admit. Anyone could be turned. The loyalty she felt towards Bellamy had never wavered and if she was being honest her love had not either, which made the accusation hurt even more. Without Clarke’s permission tears started to gather in her eyes. 

 

“I would never betray what we had Bellamy.” Her voice was quiet but clear. “Yes, I talked to him and he is here because of me but it’s not like you are accusing me of.” 

 

Bellamy crossed his arms in front of his chest pointedly. 

 

“Tell me then.” 

 

Clarke needed a drink for this, so she walked over to the cabin she stored her whiskey and poured herself a generous amount. Without looking at Bellamy she drowned the whole glass, feeling his gaze on her. 

 

With a desperate need for air, Clarke took a breath and started talking. 

 

“After I finished school I started working at Mass General and one day there was a patient with a gun wound - Finn. I treated him and he flirted with me, made me laugh.” Trying to ignore Bellamy’s quiet snarl, she continued. 

 

“We started dating and in the beginning it was like every other relationship I had, but around the 6 month mark he started asking me where I was when I wasn’t with him, if I was seeing other people. At first I thought he was just jealous but it turned to something bigger. 

 

His obsessiveness turned to him controlling my every move - he drove me to work, and picked me up at night. I was not allowed to leave my apartment he had moved into without me realising before it was to late. It got too much when my mom died and he didn’t let me leave Boston to go to her funeral. He even locked me in.” 

 

Clarke felt her hands shaking and started to stroke her thighs with them. Bellamy had become very still in front of her, staring at her with a mixture of worry and anger. 

 

“I know people here just assumed I hated my mother enough to not show up, but that wasn’t the case at all. I loved my mom.” Clarke finally gave into her tears.

 

“I was devastated when she died and he locked me up. It took me three days before I was able to run away and go to the police, where I filed for an restraining order.” She finally looked at Bellamy. 

 

“But because he was with the ATF he pulled some strings and my request was denied. A month after I left him he started stalking me, leaving flowers on my car, in front of my new apartment. I even had a new girlfriend he scared so much she broke things off with me - it’s when the police finally gave me that restraining order. I moved shortly after.” 

 

Clarke was aware how Bellamy slowly kneeled down in front of her and took her hands into his. 

 

“So he is here for you and the club is just collateral damage.” 

 

“I think he is threatened by you, because of our history.” Bellamy’s eyes were soft as she stared into them, without any haste he gently cupped her cheeks and wiped her tears away. Clarke visibly relaxed into his hand. 

 

“If you want me to take care of him for you, just say it,” he said calmly.

 

She had thought about it, back in Boston, before she even had moved back here. How Bellamy would get rid of Finn, how he would save her. Never in her life she had needed saving from anything. She always took care of herself and she had set her mind to it not to get him involved, especially after all this time. 

And here he was, asking her precisely that. 

 

“Thank you, Bell. I don’t want you to get into trouble for me. I’m assuming he is just waiting for you to fall out so he has something against you.”

 

“Then we don’t want to give him anything that would make him happy,” he paused and smirked. “You included, Princess.” She smiled at that. 

 

* * *

 

When Bellamy had driven over to Clarke’s house he had expected a lot, but not what she told him. He never had seen her so afraid of someone before. It made him angry. Clarke was not easily scared, she was brave, feisty and steadfast. A leader who took matters in her own hands. So the fact that this asshole had been able to put her down to be this scared made Bellamy furious. 

 

He would respect her wishes, of course, but if Collins did anything remotely stupid, like contacting her again or something worse, he would not be as inactive. 

 

Clarke fell asleep on the couch, exhaustion finally getting to her and Bellamy used the time to call his mother and apologize for leaving the potluck so abruptly. She had asked him where he was but because he didn’t know if Clarke was comfortable if he talked to someone about what she told him he would not say a word. 

 

He knew, though, lying to his mother was no option. 

 

“I’m with Clarke.” There was a pause on the other end of the line. 

 

“I hope you know what you are doing, Bellamy.” His mother’s concern sounded sincere and it was not was Bellamy had expected to hear from her.

 

“Me too, Ma.” _Me, too._

 

Her apprehension was justified. Bellamy had been a mess after Clarke left him. She had always been a constant in his life, his person and when she had gone he felt like she took half of him with her.  
  
Bellamy had thrown himself into the club, he had been reckless, uncaring. It had landed him in prison because he hadn’t been careful enough. He didn’t stay there for long, though and he came out a changed man. So instead of doing stupid shit he started sleeping around and he never stopped with it. Even after the whole Roma disaster he didn’t stop. All his pain is gone when he can lose himself in a body or two. Male, female, he didn’t care as long as he was able to forget. 

 

And he did until she came back into his life. Somehow he had not been able to find as much pleasure in sex as he had when she was gone. 

 

He stared at Clarke’s sleeping form for more than an hour before he picked her up to carry her to her bed. She smiled in her sleep, clutching his shirt in her fist. 

 

He tucked her into bed, like he had done in the past when she had fallen asleep at his place and kissed her temple. 

 

“G’night Bell,” she mumbled in her sleep. Bellamy smiled down at her and felt a rush of emotion. 

  
_Fuck_.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Kudos and Comments are appreciated.


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